Category Archives: motherhood

one and done

oneanddone

 

We’ve all heard the phrase, “one and done”… and in our case, it’s true (in an alternate sense-one pregnancy, two babies). The minor surgery my husband underwent last week was a vasectomy. Yep…full disclosure here! No more mini-me’s for us-we are so very fortunate to have twins. There are quite a few reasons why we chose to officially end our baby making days, and we’re sharing them here today in the hope that it might help others with their choice. It is an incredibly personal decision of course, and not one that is easily reached. I want to be very clear that I do not pass judgement on anyone who chooses to have less, more, or no children. My best friend has four beautiful little ones, and I have a few close girlfriends who do not want to become mothers. To each his own, but our journey begins (and ends) with Marie + Henry.

Childhood experience certainly plays a role for most when deciding what size family you would like. In our case, I was an only child (and loved it), and would have been more than happy with one. For my husband, growing up with a sibling was a wonderful experience, and he always had two in mind. When we learned we were expecting twins, we knew regardless of gender this would most likely be it for us. It’s funny-we had never heard the phrase “a rich man’s family” until sharing we were having a boy and a girl. It seems many consider it to be the perfect scenario, and in turn, automatically assume we’re done. On the other hand, we’ve had quite a few people (including our pediatrician) encourage us to have more simply because we “make beautiful babies”. I find this to be flattering and offensive at the same time! I’ve realized that people view our personal situation through their own lens and don’t realize that what they’re saying can be perceived as rude and intrusive. The thought of another in addition to twins gives me a panic attack just thinking about it!

My pregnancy was very difficult and even traumatic, at times. Obviously difficult pregnancies can happen to anyone, and the definition of “difficult” is relative. For me, difficult meant infections, catheterization for weeks, extreme swelling and pain, high blood pressure, preeclampsia, and a very rough recovery due to blood loss. I learned early on that having a high-risk pregnancy was no joke, and it pushes your body to it’s limits. You see twice the amount of doctors and get poked, prodded, and scanned more than most. On a positive note–we were so lucky to have numerous ultrasounds and see them grow along the way. I still find it hard to believe that my friends with singles only saw their babies a few times before giving birth! I’m still in awe of what my body achieved, and don’t even know how it would fare a second time around.

I haven’t yet mentioned the economics of having multiples. Let’s talk statistics for a second. The average cost of ONE child in the U.S. for a middle-income family, from birth to age 18, is currently $241,080. That doesn’t even include the cost of college!  Take that number and double it in our case…yowza. There are many other financial factors, such as breastfeeding for two vs. formula  (which is a whole other post), double the baby gear (although not two of everything), the cost of help (crucial in the early days with multiples), and accomodations for an instantly larger family (suddenly our house seemed a LOT smaller). It is staggering, and scary at times, especially when twins were not even on our radar. At times we laugh and are thankful for only having one girl, and one wedding, to pay for…and maybe we’ll get lucky and she’ll elope.

All of the above contributed to our decision, and we took our time making it (over a year). We continually confirmed with each other that we were 100% sure before moving forward. At this point, post-op, we’re both confident and focused, enjoying every moment with the kids. I may call them babies until they are two years old as a result…but that’s cool, right?! They will of course, always be my babies. If you care to share your story, how did you know when you were “done”, are you unsure, or are you planning to add to your family? What were or are the deciding factors for your family?

a beautiful body project

beautiful-body-project

Yes, I stretched physically while growing emotionally and spiritually to grow humans inside of my body and fed them from this body too.
Yes, I am sexy.
Yes, I will never be the same.
Yes, I am a Mother.
Oh yes, I am proud.
Yes, I am vulnerable.
Yes, I am as strong as a house.
Yes, I am your sister.
Yes, I have a story too.
Yes, I am a reflection of you.

This is an excerpt from the Beautiful Body Project by photographer Jade Beall. I am personally incredibly inspired by it, as I have always struggled with body image issues, especially now after having twins. I am slowly learning to embrace my body in it’s current state and be thankful and amazed at what it was (and is) capable of. I want my children to appreciate their uniqueness and know their beauty, inside and out. Jade’s goal is to promote positive body image and love for oneself, as a woman…as a mother. Please visit the website to get more information, support the project, and be inspired.

image courtesy of Jade Beall Photography

the truth about twins

shoes

A

As my first mother’s day approaches, I realize I have yet to share my thoughts on being a twin mom. This post is long overdue-it’s taken me nine months (oh the irony) to get my thoughts together on the subject (and they’re still not entirely together, not sure they ever will be). Discovering you are going to be a mother of two (at once) is an amazing, surreal and overwhelming experience. Becoming a mother is already such a major life-changing event, and adding multiples to the scenario grows it exponentially. My first reaction to our shock of a lifetime news (at 6 weeks of pregnancy) was ridiculously emotional-I instantly began crying and laughing simultaneously, and mr. fleurishing started crying and cursing! I wish we had it on video, because it was so hysterical…and so pure.

Being the anxious type A that I am, my mind immediately jumped to the all of the unknowns and “what-if’s” of twin pregnancy: can I/we handle this, is my body physically capable of this, will the nursery be big enough, can we afford this-the list goes on. My mind took off at a million miles a minute, and I got lost in google for weeks. I was excited, but at that point, mostly terrified, and found myself mourning the idea of pregnancy and motherhood that I had envisioned. One baby to birth, buy a crib for, to name, to bond with…ONE. Accepting the reality of twins was a long process, and it wasn’t until I heard them both cry that I allowed myself to fully believe it. It wasn’t until the 3 month mark that I could catch my breath, and start to enjoy being the mother of twins. To marvel at the miracle of them, and get enough sleep to stay conscious enough to do so! It was then that I realized how truly lucky we were (and are) to have this experience. That we were destined for this, and that the pros far outweigh the cons.

I’ll start with the cons. The pregnancy is very difficult, and often times, frightening (I had it easy compared to many). Once they arrive, you have to choose-choose a child to help, to console, to feed. It feels awful, and goes against every instinct as a mother. Having twins is expensive…no, you don’t need two of everything, but close. It takes longer to get to know each child, to bond with them individually. Finding time for yourself and for your marriage is difficult. While having children can stress any relationship, twins divide your attention and time by two. Twins certainly put you to the test, in every kind of way (especially when they start scheming as a team, oh boy). 

I could go on forever about the pros.  You only have to be pregnant once for two babies-DONE! Double the cuddles, double the giggles, double the love. Henry and Marie are already best friends, and having a built-in playmate is wonderful for them and us, as they essentially start learning social skills and sharing in the womb! As parents, we never want for baby time, and in the case of boy/girl twins like ours, we get to see mars/venus exemplified before our eyes, which honestly adds an entirely new level of understanding on the subject. The efficiency is fabulous-we put away items as they outgrow them, teach them things at the same time, experience developmental milestones (mostly) simultaneously, etc…with them being the same age, it allows us single-mindedness when parenting. (I have great respect for my friends juggling a baby and a toddler!) Other parents (moms especially) tend to put you on a pedestal, which is both a good and bad thing. But having evenly beefed up mommy arms is super cool.

I’ve been told by some that I make it look easy (thank you)…but as you know, what you see here on the blog is usually not the nitty gritty of everyday life. We are still adapting to our new life, and adjusting to parenting twins…obviously we still have a world of learning to do. We get stopped by curious people often, and many say we have a “rich man’s family”….we are certainly rich in love. There are so many times when I look at them in complete awe, and wonder how I got so lucky. It is an honor and a privilege to be their mother and I cannot wait for all that is to come!

wishing my fellow moms (of humans + fur babies) the happiest mother’s day

one year ago today…

oneyearago

One year ago today…our wishes came true when we discovered we were expecting! I remember the day very vividly-I just had a feeling, and so I bought a test (ok a few tests) and waited until mr. fleurishing came home from work, which was almost impossible for my impatient self. Together we waited, the minutes seemed infinite…and then we looked together. We gasped, cried happy tears, and hugged. A long, loving, beautiful embrace that I will never forget. In that moment, our lives were forever changed…our love had created life. We placed the two tests that we later gave to my parents in my stocking and took this shot. A bit freaky in my opinion, considering we learned after Christmas that we were having twins!! Needless to say, it was a very special holiday…but this one is even more so.

twins…my birth story

meetingmybabies

twins-birth-story

meetingthebabies

 

It took exactly 35 1/2 weeks to accomplish the biggest, toughest, and most beautiful achievement of my life. The determination to deliver Henry and Marie early was made after I became pre-eclamptic. I’ll spare you the long list of issues I was having, but I was nearly incapacitated. With my health having the possibility to affect the babies, it was time. We were prepared (as much as you can be), and had been for quite some time, expecting they might make an early arrival. Still, when the time came to leave for the hospital, the fear (and excitement) kicked in big time. 

My parents came over to care for Billy (our first and furriest child), and I nearly squeezed him to death. I was so terrified that after the babies were born we would think of him differently, you know, as a D-O-G (as many had warned us). I am happy to report that nothing has changed, he is simply another child. After many kisses, hugs and tears all around, we took the the grueling (ha) 2 minute drive to our (neighborhood) hospital.  They were expecting us, and I was immediately wheeled in to the pre-op room. Preparations got under way, and within an hour or so I was ready for surgery. I should preface this by saying we had known it would be a c-section for a while, since Marie was “baby A” and was breach.

The operating room wasn’t as scary as I had imagined it. Since my husband is a registered nurse, he was allowed to be with me as I got the spinal. The numbness from my chest down was anxiety inducing, albeit preferable to feeling everything. The next hour was a bizarre cocktail of emotions. Feeling your body being rearranged is not very comforting, and the pressure was intense. The anesthesiologist explained that they were getting ready to deliver “baby A”, aka Marie. Moments passed, and no sounds except suction, and beeping…the longest minute of my life. And then…the sweetest sound I have ever heard, and tears of relief and joy. Two minutes later…Henry followed, and I began to sob as they held him over the curtain for us to see. Thankfully, both of them were in great shape and big for twins (6 lbs 3/4 oz each), and so they went directly to the nursery while my surgery was completed. The worst was over, or so I thought. 

Not surprisingly, my uterus had been stretched to scary limits carrying twins, causing excess bleeding and complications. My blood loss was significant, but I remained conscious…I almost wish I hadn’t, given the poking and prodding that occurred in the recovery room. The next 12 hours were (unfortunately) spent stoned out on dilaudid. A blood transfusion was discussed, but never happened, after my hemoglobin stabilized. My first steps were not too painful but ended up with 5 nurses rushing in after I passed out, and fainting would continue to be a concern. My husband never left my side, sleeping on a miserable piece of foam next to my bed. His care, love, and support were, and are, immeasurable. 

Meanwhile, the babies spent a great deal of time in our room, and I was able to nurse for the first time (what a euphoric, incredible experience that is). Henry was the first to latch, but by the time we went home they were both getting the hang of it. Breastfeeding two is quite the challenge, whew. My body has been through a lot, and the belly that was once their home is now a saggy mess. But every time I look at our beautiful babies, I am overcome with gratitude. I know there are so many that are denied this experience, and so I am thankful for every beautiful and painful moment. My body will heal in time, and the painful memories will fade. For now, we are still reveling in the miracle of it all and are drunk in love.