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“There is nothing stronger than a broken woman who has rebuilt herself.” – Hannah Gadsby, Nanette

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Today is my 42nd birthday, and I’m celebrating the fact that I finally feel ready to share a personal trauma after (many) years of learning and growth. Trigger warning: domestic abuse. At age seventeen, I had an intoxicating romance with an older man, and soon after we moved in together. I was seeking to escape my turbulent home life, but (in hindsight) ended up essentially trading one trauma for another. Before too long, I was living with a stranger. Having become an empath due to a complicated childhood, I gave so much energy trying to help heal that person, while it was me who needed it most.

I spent ten years – TEN! in that co-dependent relationship, enduring soul-crushing emotional abuse as well as being physically hurt and threatened. I lost friends that tried to warn me and pushed anyone away who told me it was toxic. Thankfully an amazing therapist encouraged me to attend a CoDA (co-dependents anonymous) meeting, and the wealth of knowledge and support I received there changed my life. After a few months of attendance, I summoned all of my courage to end the relationship, and began the journey of acknowledging that I was worthy–of so much more.

There are too many people who silently suffer abuse, fear for their lives, or never get the chance to speak out. October is Domestic Violence Awareness month and I’m sharing my story so that others might feel seen, and take that next step. Time most certainly does not heal all wounds, but I’ve reached an age where I can look back without fear. In the process of healing myself, I’ve only become more unique and resilient – like the Japanese art of Kintsugi where they repair pottery with gold – my “scars” are my strength, and I’m celebrating the fact that I feel stronger than ever…it’s the greatest gift.